Yours truly, Aardvark (Feb 2012 Edition)

Dear Jeep Driver,

I have a fondness for Jeeps and especially red ones…so YAY you! I can only assume that you have a fondness for my chosen mode of transportation too..otherwise I cannot explain why you were driving so close behind me today that you were setting off the sensors on the rear bumper. I am not sure how close you have to be to do that…but I feel like I can safely say it should not happen while traveling 45 mph down Whitesburg Dr. I would have been happy to tap my brakes and let you get a super close view of the rear of my vehicle..but I just had the bumper replaced and it is all shiny and new! Maybe that is what drew you in ;) Please be careful out there, I would hate for your cute red jeep to end up up the ass of a less considerate suv!

Yours truly,

Dear Pretzel Bite Buyer,

Kudos to you for being an informed consumer (of pretzel bites.) I may have once wondered what the ingredient list of the pretzel bites contained and today I became a more informed consumer. (And to think all I was waiting to buy was a fountain Diet Coke and I lucked out and hopped in line behind you!) I can’t say I have ever been equally curious about the ingredients of the assorted sauces/dips they sell to accompany the bites. I will say that I feel like maybe (just maybe) if you are that concerned about the ingredients and “trans fats” (your words) maybe pretzel bites dipped in butter at the mall are not the snack for you.

Yours truly,

Dear Hobby Lobby Shopper,

Your dog is very cute! Even cuter? The bed you brought in with you to put in the cart so that your pup could rest comfortably while you wheeled her around the store. I didn’t realize that small dogs had such an interest in arts and crafts but I will make a note to include my own dog the next time I break out the hot glue (or not.) I don’t know if your realized that people stopped carrying their “purse dogs” out in public several years ago. I wouldn’t want you to be behind the times ;) Also, I would suggest that if you are worried that someone might see your dog in the cart maybe (crazy idea) you should leave her at home instead of being incredibly rude to my child who was amazed to see your littel furry Martha Stewart in Hobby Lobby. Our dog does most of her shopping online…so it isn’t a huge surprise that P was quite taken with a dog riding around Hobby Lobby. Maybe next time you should dress her up like an elderly man or a dwarf and then you wouldn’t risk being what some might consider a bitch to a small child. (Just in case you worry about those kind of things.)

Yours truly,

Dear Various (male) Gas Station Patrons,

Wow! Who would have guessed so many people would be concerned for the well being of my engine!? It warms my heart EVERY TIME someone asks me if I realize “that pump is diesel.” Keep up the good work you doers of good!

Yours truly,

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A girl and her broken leg…

I know some of you have kept up with me in real life and on Facebook since I left the blogosphere…thank you! I am not going to try and catch you up on life since then…but I do have to go back to Dec to get to today.

Dec. 16 – My dad’s birthday, last day of preschool and Kindergarten before Christmas, school Christmas parties… THE DAY SCOUT BROKE HER TIBIA! Yes. On Dec. 16th Scout fell at school and broke her tibia. A “spiral tibia fracture” to be exact. (xray photos below)

spiral tibia fracture

It was a pretty impressive break but we were assured that it was “the best way to break it” and “it will heal and be as good as new.” We were told she would spend about 4 weeks in a cast (from toes to mid thigh) and be good to go. That 4 turned into 5 and we thought when we arrived for that appointment we would go home cast free!


The cast came off but was replaced with a smaller cast (toes to just below the knee) and we were sent away to wait another 2 weeks. Now we are up to Feb 3rd. SEVEN weeks later (on a Friday) we once again head to the doc in anticipation of being cast free… AND IT WAS GOOD!

There was a lot of celebrating and dancing to be had!!! Sat and Sun Scout took it pretty easy..getting used to walking on two good legs and slowly trying to build up strength. Monday she was back at school cast free! After weeks in a wheelchair and then a walking cast…the freedom was wonderful (for all of us.) The day after Monday…is Tuesday. Tuesday started out fine. Scout even went to ballet after school. She wasn’t up to full performance but was participating and getting more comfortable. After dance we came home and the girls wanted to play in the backyard. AND THUS BEGINS THE END! Scout was hanging from the monkey bars and not being able to go any further she let go to drop to the ground…and when she dropped…

SHE DROPPED. Crumpled really. She couldn’t get up and when I got her up she couldn’t walk. She was freaking out. (I was too.) Of course my first thought was that she broke her leg. Again. Once we got inside and I looked her over I felt like maybe it was more of a sprain to the muscle(s) around her ankle. He leg looked good and touching it didn’t cause her any pain. She could point her foot and wiggle her toes but she could not fully flex her foot. We iced it and gave her Motrin and decided to see how she felt the next day. Wed came and she still wouldn’t walk on it. I was conflicted over taking her to the doctor when she had no swelling or bruising. Steve and I decided to keep her home from school and let her rest it for a day and see if it was just a sprain. Thursday when she got up she could hobble on it some and since there was no school we figured another day of rest would be good. Well…by Thurs night she had stopped walking on it at all.

SO this morning we headed back to SportsMed. The xrays didn’t show any breaks…BUT apparently even at 5 yrs the bones in the foot are still a lot of cartilage and not as dense as mature bones. This means that you can’t totally rely on an xray. The doctor spent a good bit of time doing an extremely thorough physical exam of her foot and concluded that there was a BREAK in the bottom section of the ankle where there is still mostly cartilage like bone. (cue my Mother of the Year acceptance music) The good news is that because we are dealing with the soft stuff…it will heal quickly (like a sprain) the bad news…

Scout is back in a cast.
Three casts in 8 weeks.
Awesome. ;)

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Penelope – photobomber

I was playing with the incredibooth app on my new ipad and Penelope couldn’t stand it…she had to do it too!

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Merry Christmas

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This morning Penelope was watching Dora. (Penelope would watch Dora 24/7 if we let her. We don’t.)
Scout looks up at me and she says
“Mommy, Dora sure is bossy.”
“What do you mean”
“Well she is always telling us what to do and saying to say this and say stuff and sometimes I don’t want to say anything!”

Well said.

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Scout vs Wild

Steve watches Man vs Wild. A LOT. It is one of the few things he has set to record on the TIVO. If you aren’t familira with Man vs Wild…it is intense. This guy (Bear..yes his name is Bear) is dropped in the middle of random nowhere places and forced to survive and reach a specific destination. He is always doing crazy shit and EATING EVEN CRAZIER SHIT. He is ALWAYS eating the nasty of nasty. It is disturbing. Anyway, a week or so ago we were watching the show and Bear was eating a raw fish and he was explaining how important it was to eat the eyeballs because “that is where the fluids are” and it would keep you from getting dehydrated. UHHHHGGG!

Yesterday the girls were playing with Mrs. Potato Head and I overhear Scout telling Penelope “Penelope, you need to eat her eyes…that is where the fluid is.”

I am not sure if it was more disturbing to hear Scout say that or to hear P’s response, “oh…ok. I eat her eyes!”

Posted in Body parts, Penelope, Scout, Steve | 1 Comment

Yours truly, Aardvark (airport edition)

Dear Atlanta Airport,
I find your efforts to recycle and greenify your facility admirable. The lovely compacting trash cans are delightful and I especially enjoy that they have push bars on the little doors to help keep my hands clean. However, I am rather positive that you are not saving any money on the horrid 1-ply toilet paper. This opinion comes from my own experience of having to use at least twice as much paper as I would at home. I hope that this information is received by you in the spirit of the constructive criticism it was intended.

Yours truly,

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OMG! I am actually going to BLOGHER!

IN TWO DAYS! I think I might be sick. I am super nervous and super excited and totally spaztastically freaked out! I actually get to meet these people…these invisible internet friends AND learn stuff too!?!?!?
what if no one likes me
or my hair is wrong
or I wear the wrong shoes or lipstick
what if I get all sweaty and get those weird curls at my temples
what if no one talks to me
or sticks a “kick me” sign on my back

What if everyone else is wearing D&G and I am wearing Target.
What if I have to eat by myself because no one invites me to the table….
what if i get a giant zit (can I put a bandaid on it and pretend I had a mole removed?)

Is anyone else obsessing?

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WHY do people talk to me?

There are a lot of tan people in the south. I used to be one of them. When I was younger I would bake myself in the sun and go to the tanning bed. Now I use lots and lots of sunscreen because I don’t want to look all old and leathery. As a compromise I get a Mystic (spray) tan every week. The “spa” I go to has Mystic tan and tanning beds. The “spa” where I go to get sprayed down every week is ALSO next door to a Coldstone Ice Cream store. There are always people sitting outside at the tables eating ice cream.

This usually has nothing to do with me.

The other day I was walking out of the “spa” from getting sprayed and an older woman sitting next door eating ice cream says to me

Lady : “You are fryin’ your insides!”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Lady: “Those tanning beds will fry your insides.”
Me: “Oh..I don’t use the tanning beds” (I have no idea what made me feel like i should explain myself to her)
Lady: “Well that fake tan is full of chemicals that will kill you too.”
Me: and your ice cream is full of fat that will go straight to your ass…so I guess we all have our vices”

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Weird shit happens to me…

A couple of weeks ago I was informed by a 50 year old receptionist (on hiatus from watching Days of Our Lives in her trailer) that I looked unemployed. She came to this conclusion based on the fact that I have red highlights.
“I didn’t figure you had no job with that red hair.” “Most places won’t hire you with those hairs.” I *guess* I should have been insulted or something…but I was just so dumbfounded by the whole conversation.

There is this one particular Target checkout clerk that refuses REFUSES to put my milk in a bag. I usually do my grocery shopping at Publix and take my reusable bags. I am not as great at remembering to take them to Target (I am getting better) but regardless of whether I have my own bags or not….He will not bag the milk. He told me “it has a handle.” I guess I could argue with him and demand a bag because I am the customer and blah blah blah but mostly I am entertained by the fact that this is his mission in life.

There is something about me that makes people want to talk to me. Maybe I look friendly, maybe I look like I want to help, maybe I look like I give a shit…but mostly none of those are true. ;) I took my grandmother to Ross. She loves it there. While shopping around TWO different old people asked my opinion on the crap they were thinking about buying. The first one was a lady probably about 100 that was trying to decide on a purse. They were both hideous. As I walked by she asked me which one I liked better. One was old lady red and had about 8,000 pockets on the outside. The second was just as hideous and forest green. I tried to politely point out that neither were really my taste. She kept on. So I looked around and found a rather classic looking black bag and suggested it instead. She took the purse from me and looked at the price tag and quickly informed me that she was not paying $29.99 for a purse and THEN she accused me of spending “probably $50 on that fancy purse” I was carrying. MUWHAHHAAAA….If she only knew.

Does this crap happen to you?

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