85 pound elderly Asian serial killer

Aardvark — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 15:31:44 +0000

For a couple of years now I have been asking Steve to get me a taser. He won’t. He is of the firm belief that I would only get myself into trouble with it. I can’t tell you how many missed opportunities I have encountered!
Last night I had to stop by the post office on my way home from Players. It was about 9pm. I was using the automated machine in the lobby and I had about 10 things to send out. Of course I immedialty starting imagining all of the horrible things that could happen to me. I actually jumped about 10 feet off the ground when a tiny elderly asian man came in to check his PO Box. I was sure he was there to hack my body to little pieces and leave them on the PO floor. (We won’t talk about the fact that i could have snapped him like a twig with one hand.) He was sketchy. I was instantly replaying every episode of Law and Order: SVU and Dexter. I started to actually get a little panicky and flustered. I was trying to hurry and make the machine go faster and that, of course, only made me hit the wrong buttons. I finally get all my packages weighed and stamped and start putting them in the hopper thing…where I promptly catch my sleeve and smash my finger. So now I am disabled and panicked and that is really helping matters! I get all my stuff taken care of and start for the door and here he comes around the corner. I actually yelped. YES. I am not kidding. I YELPED at the sight of an 85 pound elderly Asian serial killer. I think I probably scared the crap out of him. He looked rather startled and then bid me a good evening.
So there I am in the PO looking like and feeling like a super spaz with my disabled finger and racing heart…all because STEVE WON’T GET ME A TASER!

"A" is for Aardvark...

85 pound elderly Asian serial killer