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Underwear that I hate
By Aardvark | February 21, 2008
Do you have underwear that you hate? Steve doesn’t. In fact, the concept is foreign to him. He doesn’t understand that my underwear drawer is it’s own society with differing levels of hierarchy. Some of my underwear is ivy league and some of it is on food stamps.
It begins at the top. and so shall we…
The Holy Grail –
your favorite underwear…they don’t ride up or crawl down, they don’t squeeze you in an unflattering way, they hold everything in just the right way and you smile when you open the drawer and they are there! You would never wear these panties during your period…for fear of ruining them.
The Golden Fleece –
This underwear is not as celebrated as the “Holy Grail” underwear but you never think twice about wearing it. It fits well and doesn’t piss you off. (and you still wouldn’t risk their well being while menstruating)
The Special Edition
These are the “almost perfect” underwear. They have one small flaw but it isn’t enough to keep you from wearing them or bring you to throw them away. They are your first choice for comfort during your period!
The Director’s Cut
These are the panties that bill themselves as fabulous but you are disappointed every time you wear them. You swear you will toss them…but when the time comes you feel like you should give them one more chance.
Emergency
These are the worn out versions of the above categories. They met with some unfortunate fate…and yet they are still better that the underwear that you hate.
UNDERWEAR THAT YOU HATE You know these. Why are they even in your drawer. When you see them you start to frantically dig through the drawer praying that you have anything else. You run to the dryer…just in case there are some other panties there. You HATE these! All day they pull and bunch and generally piss you off. Even brand new they just suck!
***NOTE – all maternity underwear sucks. ***
So what kind of underwear do you have on today?
Topics: Need to know, Soapbox, Whatever | 19 Comments »
February 21st, 2008 at 10:57 am
LMAO! So true. I did something really decadent and unprecedented last year when we moved. I threw out everything except the Holy Grail and Golden Fleece (and 2 kinda sexy pairs because they are never in the good categories for comfort after the age of 30) then went out and bought more of the Holy Grail so my underwear drawer is always a happy place. I do however find it empty more often now…guess that is why we hang on to them because we would rather be pissed off by our underwear than do laundry.
I don’t want to hear about maternity underwear. Just the thought of having to give up my good stuff for months makes me sad.
February 21st, 2008 at 11:23 am
Today, I am wearing maternity underwear. Which, as you already noted, SUCKS.
February 21st, 2008 at 12:05 pm
LOL!! That’s awesome, and SO true. I just cleaned out my underwear drawer and was actually really disappointed at the state of affairs in my top tiers. Now, my drawer is sadly vacant of drawers (heehee) and I’m slowly buying more as I’ve been shopping recently.
February 21st, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Oh! And I’m totally wearing old boxers I swiped from an ex right now. Yeah, that’s right, I work at home. Lol. (Damn, I should probably shower)
February 21st, 2008 at 12:28 pm
I am glad I am not alone!
February 21st, 2008 at 2:32 pm
I laughed and laughed with this post.
February 21st, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Oh – now Donnie is pickier about underwear than I am. He ONLY has the Holy Grail of underwear in his drawer because nothing else is ALLOWED NEAR IT.
February 22nd, 2008 at 4:05 pm
[...] last TMI story for the day: A certain blog entry reminded me how much I’ve been needing to by some new panties for my giant pregnant ass. [...]
February 22nd, 2008 at 6:23 pm
This is just brilliant. My Holy Grails are dying. I’m so depressed- they don’t make them anymore.
February 22nd, 2008 at 6:52 pm
When my daughter went overseas last summer, the trip organizers suggested that to lessen their luggage weight on the return trip (supposedly to allow to bring more junk home), they take ‘disposable’ clothes. She took all her ‘director’s cut’ and ‘emergency’ d’wear and just tossed it after wearing.
February 22nd, 2008 at 7:22 pm
Now see, I consider getting rid of the bad underwear, but then what would I wear when I have my period? Yet that is precisely the underwear that seems to lead a charmed life. Go fig.
Also, I’m nearing the third trimester of my second pregnancy and have yet to even contemplate maternity underwear. I don’t really get the point of it. I’m not trying to be smug or anything, I really want to know, why do people buy and wear it? Especially if it sucks? (Or is saying that my normal underwear is fine for my entire pregnancy something that’ll make people hate me?)
February 23rd, 2008 at 7:22 pm
Today I have on The Director’s Cut. Their main flaw? They don’t stay up. I have been reaching into my pants all day and pulling them up so they don’t end up around my knees. It’s no wonder I’m single.
February 24th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
I only have wedding panties (because Mother said it would be wrong to go commando) and period panties. I will say, that they are my “Golden Fleece” from when I wore underwear regularly. For the most part, I find my life is much more pleasant without panties…and Now you know
February 25th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
YES! And each category has sub-categories of “too big” or “too little”. Since I’ve finally lost a bit of weight I think I should take the plunge and get some new undies. I’ll probably stick with the same ole granny panties though!
February 25th, 2008 at 9:53 pm
So good, I’m spreading the word.
February 26th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
I had to check. Looks like I am in my middle of the road, special editions. I just finished my dreaded cycle and these are the “thank goodness” panties. The ones which you can wear comfortably with just a tad of bloat remaining in your body.
For my anniversary this month, I went pantie shopping and replaced 5 plain white mary jane cotton panties with cotton, super colorful boy briefs. All stripes and hearts and polka dots. Maybe a bit junior in theme but they were so HAPPY. The weather was blah and I was trapped in the world’s most boring small town. So hubbie and I were forced to spend the anniversary at the godforsaken mall. He approved the purchase, applauded the one pair I got to wear before the cycle started, and is eagerly awaiting the remaining 4 pairs. He’s a good boy even though he doesn’t completely understand the pantie delimma.
February 28th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Baby Jesus has a point. Life IS better sans panties.
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:49 am
You’ve inspired me to clean out my damn underwear drawer. Right now, it is over flowing with underwear that is either in the ‘Director’s Cut’ or the ‘Underwear that you hate’ categories. Its ridiculous. It could take hours to go through, but it must be done!
Today is definitely a Special Edition day for me. This list is excellent.
March 5th, 2008 at 10:13 pm
Mimi Maternity bikinis are actually quite comfortable and do not ride up. Some of the most comfortable undies I have ever worn. Seriously.