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Yours truly, Aardvark : Volume 4
By Aardvark | August 28, 2007
Dear Motorcycle Man,
You get the Aardvark safety award! Congratulations on taking that extra precaution and strapping that fire extinguisher right to your bike. That is truly taking your safety to the next level. However, I would recommend that if your bike catches fire, you should probably just get away from it before it explodes. I am not a biker so I will understand if you have a different plan.
Yours truly,
Aardvark
Dear Red Tank Top Woman(?),
What perseverance you have shown. The 60′s are long gone and yet you are still not shaving under your arms. Wow. That is long term dedication. I wish that you could bottle that level of self confidence and sell it. It would be a sell-out! Maybe a career as a motivational speaker is in your future. I would, however, recommend a lovely 3/4 sleeve … only because it is more professional. Good for you!
Thinking of you,
Aardvark
Dear Dog Walker,
I commend you for your perseverance and for getting up before 6:30 am to walk with your dog. It takes a strong will to keep up a routine like that. I guess it is also rather convenient for you that there are not many others up and out at that time. Some people might not appreciate that you let your dog stop and poop on the sidewalk…some might. I can only think that you were checking for approval as you feverishly looked around. Enjoy your morning and I hope that no one leaves poo on your stoop.
Thank you for your time,
Aardvark
Dear Driver of the teal Ford truck in front of me this morning,
While I am very excited that you are still interested in learning new things…I don not think that 7am on the Parkway is the best time and place to learn to drive a manual transmission. I am really thinking of you. It isn’t safe for you to create that much tension and road rage so early in the morning. Some people haven’t even had coffee. Although the lady in the car next to me had already picked hers up and I am afraid she was quite unhappy when you stalled and she hit the breaks…her coffee hot the windshield. I guess that is what she gets for drinking and driving. I hope you didn’t hear the choice words she had for you. They may have broken your thirst for knowledge spirit.
Sincerely,
Aardvark
Topics: yours truly | 13 Comments »
August 28th, 2007 at 1:26 pm
Ha ha!
The first time I rode motorcycles was with my off-again last summer. The bike did indeed break into flames more than once. He and his friends would spray it down with the fire extinguisher and then someone would jump back on. Including me! Yay! I am officially a redneck!
August 28th, 2007 at 4:53 pm
I thought of you the other day. I was tailing a couple on a Harley, and she was wearing a sports bra and jeans. Apparently, there’s a lot of vibrations on a motorcycle. It was almost hypnotizing.. jello on a bike.
August 28th, 2007 at 7:10 pm
Hmmm. . .I am going to assume that you thought of RONDA bc she had already told you this story before she posted it. Otherwise, I will have to kick your little pregnant ass.
August 28th, 2007 at 8:01 pm
LOL… This installment cracked me up. Then I get to the comments and get a cat fight completely gratis.
I love my friends.
August 28th, 2007 at 8:23 pm
Ronda-you crack me up! I totally used to work with a woman who didn’t shave under her arms. I used to really dread hot summer days knowing that she might possibly be sporting a tank top…ewww! (Eric read over my shoulder and told me that she still wears tanks in the summer.)
August 28th, 2007 at 8:23 pm
Oh, no.. that’s not what I meant at all. It reminded me of Ronda because the girl was ripe for a Yours Truly letter. I was going to suggest it, actually..
I would NEVER ever EVER (note the use of caps there to emphasize the lack of possibility) insinuate that I saw this girl and thought, “Hey.. is that Ronda?”
August 29th, 2007 at 10:37 am
Ooh, but major points to Caroline, who said I have a LITTLE pregnant ass. (When, in reality, she could kick it from any angle and would probably have two days to escape before the gyrations reached any nervous system.)
August 29th, 2007 at 11:35 am
I said “little” on purpose because you actually look quite beautiful these days, I think. It was on purpose. It was also meant to undercut the apparent meanness of the rest of my post. I was hoping you’d focus more on the “little” than on the ass-kicking.
August 29th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
[...] know how you all find my memos somewhat amusing – go check out Aardvark’s letters. She does it better than I do! This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 29th, 2007 at 1:36 [...]
August 30th, 2007 at 11:51 am
I love these segments. They make me happy
August 30th, 2007 at 11:58 am
Ra,
Your blog makes me smile. Thanks for the invite.
September 1st, 2007 at 8:46 pm
ohhhh god not another person learning stick-shift at the butt-crack of dawn, lol. We have a boy? or small-ish man(lol) roughly 5 doors down learning to drive a manual transmission too. And it never fails I get stuck behind him at least twice a week on my way to work. I am impressed by his determination though since he’s been working at it now for over 3 months and he still dies it out each time he comes to the stop sign at the end of the block, lol
September 6th, 2007 at 12:28 pm
The Chinese Calender predictor says it will be a girl…If I’m right, I wanted to put it down as proof…if not…stupid Chinese calender…